apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize