hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
