Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
time to smoke my breakfast
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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