Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
