Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
