Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
