i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
