Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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