does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize