I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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