I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
