Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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