just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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