i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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