guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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