It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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