on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
