Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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