Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
