Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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