you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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