im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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