If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
