capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
