SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
