Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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