Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
