So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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