Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
