So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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