i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
