You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
