I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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