my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
