I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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