508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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