I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
