So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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