i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
