I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I died a long time ago.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
