Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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