I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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