the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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