I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
