We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
