went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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