i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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