the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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