does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
