Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
