You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
