i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
