Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
