You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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