Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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