just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fuck appropriateness.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
